If You Don’t Hate Your Business, You’re Doing It Wrong

If You Don’t Hate Your Business, You’re Doing It Wrong
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This post is part of a Word Carnival. Every month, the members of our group write about some democratically agreed-upon topic. This month’s topic is about beating the motivation blues and learning to love your business again.

And I got news for you.

I am not motivated to write this post.

You see, I’m having a bit of a hate-hate relationship with my business right now. It wants me to work. Like, a lot.

It wants to throw a whole bunch of obstacles at me then sit back and watch what happens.

I just want to hang out with some brownies and watch the Biggest Loser from my couch.

If you’ve been in business for any length of time then you know how you hit these lows. Days when you don’t want to get out of bed. Days you don’t feel like doing that project or handling that client. Days you would rather be stuffing envelopes in a hot, windowless room than thinking for one more second about your marketing plan.

But we go on anyway, because that’s what we do.

How?

Well, I’m not going to tell you. Because I don’t feel like writing a Pollyanna-ish post about finding your happy place and seeking inspiration in all the little joys in life…

Pft.

What I want to tell you instead is how to hate your business with passion.

Come along with me and enjoy the ride, and at the end we’ll ask the more important question than simply how to get over a bad spell but why bother at all?

Embrace Your Hate

Maybe “hate” is too strong a word. But it sounds better than saying “embrace your feelings of annoyance and general dissatisfaction.”

And partly, that speaks to my point: stop watering it down.

Some days don’t you just hate answering that phone? Or writing that stupid, stupid blog post?

Don’t whitewash it. Stop trying to convince yourself to “look at the bright side”. Forget the silver linings and related clichés.

Just be crabby.

Now, I’m not telling you to wallow in it. There’s a difference between recognizing your frustration and rolling around in it with malicious glee.

Sit with your feeling for a while. Be Buddhist about it – recognize it, observe it, let it be what it is.

When you’re having a bad day and someone walks in with optimism and platitudes, don’t you sometimes find yourself being more ornery? Don’t you sometimes just want to tell happy-well-meaning person to drown in a bucket of their own cheer?

Sometimes the act of forcing yourself into positive-mode can make you just that much more resentful and unmotivated. Sometimes you just need to have a bad day.

And to all you optimistic well-meaning people out there, sometimes you just have to let us.

Be Childish

I don’t mean “nurture your inner child” or “find joy in simple things”.

I mean act like a temper-tantrum-throwing, haven’t-napped-in-four-days-and-want-a-lollipop three-year old.

My husband might beg to differ, as he’s the one who weathers the other end of my tantrums. But once in a while it feels great to throw something across the room. Not an heirloom or your $3,000 laptop, but a pencil, or the ridiculous book you’d read if only the author had anything remotely useful to say.

If throwing is not your style, eat a lollipop. Or an entire bag of them.

Take an entire day off from your crummy business and spend it watching back-to-back episodes of the Biggest Loser from the couch while you wear your fat sweats and eat a box of Oreos every time Jillian yells, “Get out of my gym!”

TMI?

The point is that once in a while you need to stop trying to force yourself into the round hole of rational business behavior and step away. Let yourself be in your crummy place without the added pressure or compulsion to do anything about it.

Do Something You Hate

Come on, you’re already in a bad mood, so why not do that thing you really don’t want to do anyway?

After all, you don’t want to ruin your good mood (when it returns) with that aggravating thing.

Write the stupid blog post. Put together the stupid proposal. Clean out your junk drawer because you know it’s been bugging you for six months and you can never find a pen when you need it but you really hate cleaning out that drawer.

I know I said I wasn’t going to tread into “how to feel better” territory so consider this a bonus. You’ll get the annoying thing done and feel so much better about not having to do it anymore that you’ll cheer up even if you don’t want to.

Get Mad

When I’m not throwing pencils I’m a pretty mild-tempered person. I deal with people and their personality quirks pretty well. As project manager I talk to clients and deal with the usual barrage of “get it done now / get it done yesterday / I want it blue / never mind I hate blue” all day long.

Sometimes the irritations are minor, sometimes they aren’t. Normally I deal and go, deal and go.

But once in a while I have myself a little meltdown. You can ask my husband about that, too.

Once in a while all these things build up to a little molten pile of aggravation. That’s when, as my husband says, “Bitch Carol Lynn” comes out.

Bitch Carol Lynn doesn’t do “just one more revision.” Bitch Carol Lynn doesn’t say, “No problem,” when someone blows off a phone call for the third time. No, Bitch Carol Lynn starts laying down some smack.

That’s when off-the-reservation clients make their way quickly back to the barn. It’s when new rules get made and processes get revamped.

Because Bitch Carol Lynn is tired of the nonsense. And all those changes that were percolating for months, all those contingencies that never made it into contracts, they suddenly get done.

There’s nothing wrong with being mad. We often squash angry feelings with quick fixes to feel better or mental tricks to think positive. Maybe we’ve been pounded with advice to “count our blessings” so many times that we feel guilty for being mad.

I’m giving you permission right now to be mad.

No more Mister Nice Guy, folks. No more freebies and sympathy. No more bending the rules and accepting the faults.

When you’re mad is exactly the time you’re going to stop thinking about changing those lax business policies and actually do it. It’s when the holes in your process and your plans are going to glare right up at you and you’re going to stomp down hard.

When everything is smooth sailing there’s no incentive to change. “Good ideas” are just that on paper. But being mad about something gives you lots and lots of ammunition. Use it.

So What’s The Point?

Are we all temper-tantrumed out? The up side to a bad mood is that it’s exhausting. At some point you’ve got to be done.

We all have good times and bad times. How you move through them depends on a million things that are probably better suited to a self-help book.

But why you move through them makes a difference.

When things are looking pretty crummy, what do you tell yourself? Do you ask, “What’s the point?” Do you feel miserably trapped, beyond motivation and unable to muster the smallest conviction to do anything about it?

Or, if you can think clear of the Oreo-induced haze for just a moment, can you remember why you’re doing this in the first place?

I’ll be the one to ask: why are you here?

What’s driving you to keep going, to succeed?

That’s the thing you need to know, because the thing about “learning to love your business again” is that you never forgot how in the first place. You just got busy dealing with the other stuff.

You may wonder about the title of this post and why I insist you have to hate your business.

Well, nothing exists in a vacuum and you can’t possibly be in love with everything all the time. And at the end of the day, if you don’t have the passion to hate your business, you’ll never find the passion to love it again.

It’s when you stop caring that you know you’re in trouble.

So here’s to hating your business with all the enthusiasm you can muster. I’ll join you any time for a brownie-eating business-hating bonanza and if nothing else, at least it will be tasty!

How do you deal with a down time? More importantly, tell me why!

P.S. A super special thanks to Evan Austin for creating the illustration at the top of this post. He captured the sentiment perfectly! If you’re looking for a graphic designer or illustrator, give him a shout. You won’t be disappointed!

This post is part of the January 2013 Word Carnival — a monthly group blogging event specifically for small business owners. (It’s the most fun you’ll have all month!) Check out the rest of the fabulous carney work here.

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Carol Lynn Rivera

Carol Lynn Rivera

Carol Lynn is a content creator and marketer who has been in the business of digital marketing since 1999. Along with her husband and business partner Ralph, she owns and operates both {Web.Search.Social}, a consulting and marketing services business, and Rahvalor Interactive, a web and creative services production studio. On any given day Carol Lynn will wear the hat of project manager, consultant, social media manager and content marketer. Her true passion is writing, whether it’s web content, a blog post, email campaign or social status update. When she's not writing for customers, {Web.Search.Social}, or her own blog, she's planning her early retirement to Barcelona as a famous and wealthy novelist.
Carol Lynn Rivera
Carol Lynn Rivera
  • http://writingresearchediting.com/ Ronda Bowen

    OMG I have to say that this is one of the most bitterly honest and awesome posts I’ve read about running a business in a LONG time. Yes, it is when you’re in a bad mood that you realize you really do need to make sure you specify exactly how many revisions are included in the project price, tack on late-fees for non payment, and insist upon those retainer fees or deposits *before* beginning work – no matter how nice someone may seem. For me, it’s cheese and Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, Teen Mom (I know!!! It’s for the worst of bad moods!) or Facebook games.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Hi Ronda, thanks for enjoying my complete meltdown :)

      Yes, I do find that I tie up a lot of loose ends when I finally get mad enough to do it. You made me laugh – cheese and some definitely guilty TV pleasures! Glad you can relate. Thanks for reading and sharing the hate with me!

  • http://www.thewordchef.com/ Tea Silvestre, aka Word Chef

    Leave it to you Carol Lynn to find the lead-based lining! But you are SO freakin right. Love and hate come from the same source and if you’ve never started from a passionate why, the hating will kill your business when it happens. And brownies. Yes, they do help. But mostly they’re just a really yummy band aid for crap we don’t want to look at. *takes one for each fist and passes the plate*

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Aw, well I hope I didn’t drag anyone down too much! I bet we’ve all lived with down times and this may sound weird to say but I don’t really mind. They happen, then things get done and eventually you see the light again! The only thing I DO mind is pretending to be in love with every last thing all the time. There have been a lot of brownies passed around here lately… but you’d be surprised at the progress we’ve made!

  • http://getpaidtowriteonline.com/ Sharon Hurley Hall

    Oh, I love it, Carol Lynn! Nothing like a good tantrum to clear the air – thanks for showing the other side of being passionate about your business. (And pass the Oreos). :)

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Peanut butter Oreos don’t suck either. I’m starting to think I should become an advertisement for them! And now that I’ve written out my tantrum I feel sooo much better!

  • http://twitter.com/sbhsbh Steve Hughes

    Good Morning…It’s a love/hate thing, but the passion is bubbling over…

    Eating Brownies while watching the Biggest Loser….Nice :)

    It’s going to be 60 again today, Smile…:)

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Nice weather always makes things look a little brighter! Especially in January :)

  • cynthia

    Your honesty made my day. I”m smiling. :D.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Woot! Thanks Cynthia, that’s good to hear :)

  • http://twitter.com/BrentCarnduff Brent Carnduff

    Very nice post Carol Lynn – humorous, revealing, and totally relate-able! Great line, “if you don’t have the passion to hate your business . . .” It is the passion that lends to the roller coaster rides – the energy, excitement, and creativity, of most days, and the frustrations, fatigue, and negative feelings of the bad.

    For a long time I argued that the internet never shuts down – I gotta be there everyday! More recently though I have stepped away for a day or two and “surprise” . . . it was still there when I got back. Its important to take time on the bad days so that you can recharge for the good days.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      You’re exactly right, Brent! You have to step away and believe it or not, the world still turns when you do! I tend to be… well, not a “micromanager” but definitely a little “protective” of everything that happens in my biz. It’s good to let go of the reins, though. Helps with perspective. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, and I’m glad you enjoyed :)

  • http://pajamaproductivity.com Annie Sisk

    Was it a theme this month to also have us all LOSE our motivation to write these posts? I’m literally LOLing over how many of us made similar confessions. As some wise woman once said, “The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s apathy.” Which makes love/hate the whole “two sides, same coin” dealio. Also, please give me a five-minute head warning before Bitch Carol Lynn comes to lay the smackdown on me. I wanna get a head start. :D

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      I know, isn’t that hilarious? I guess at least we’re all in the same sinking boat and can totally relate! If you never ask me for “just one more revision” then you have little to fear from Bitch Carol Lynn :)

  • clarestweets

    I totally love the advice to let yourself hate your business. It really does get old every now and then and letting go and owning that is a great way to deal effectively without the “hangover.” What I mean by hangover is that when you keep pretending it away, it does get bigger. I tend to deal with alot of my biz hate in my personal journal. It’s also a great way to track my journey as an entrepreneur. Thanks Carol Lynn!

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Yes, I love that idea, Clare! I used to keep a journal and I’m not sure why I don’t anymore (time?) but it was awesome. A little venting spot. I agree on the hangover. You can’t pretend away the bad stuff. The thing you just need to know is that it WILL go away. And you’ll survive. Don’t we all!

  • http://www.WTFMarketing.com/ Nick Armstrong

    I always search for answers to my problems in sci-fi characters.

    Finding Rodney McKay of Stargate Atlantis has been a great relief to me. He dives deep into what he does, he loves doing it, but he bitches about it non-stop because it also drives him crazy when things don’t work like they should.

    I felt like I finally had a kindred spirit for my entrepreneurial self. In day-to-day life, I’m totally outgoing. It’s almost like I have a split personality, because as soon as I sit behind the desk to do some work – I’m awkward, introverted, but totally keen at doing what I love to do.

    It’s exhausting, but good to know that it’s OK to be grumpy sometime! :-D

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      That’s great, Nick – I loved that show and totally love that character. And yes, it’s exhausting to be grumpy so that’s why, like it or not, we do have to get over it! It’s the getting there that’s either harder or easier. A little grump goes a long way. And whatever is up with your split personality, keep doing it. It seems to be working! As they say in the cliche: just be you :)

  • http://twitter.com/RebekahRadice Rebekah Radice

    I love this post @twitter-15837561:disqus! Your honesty is refreshing. And yes, I will happily join you anytime for a brownie eating fest. Sounds delicious!!

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Thanks Rebekah, I appreciate that coming from you, as I always enjoy your writing and perspective! Brownies anytime :)

  • http://twitter.com/JPKreiss JPKreiss

    I like “Bitch Carol”. She reminds me of my wife. Tells the direct truth which is refreshing.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      If you’re still married and haven’t strangled her yet, then I’m glad to join the ranks of refreshing truth!

  • http://www.jessicaannmedia.com/ Jessica

    I’ll join you any day for a brownie-eating business-hating bonanza…especially if it involves throwing things! there’s nothing better than a fellow Jersey girl who knows how to keep it real :) p.s. i think we’re neighbors

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      No kidding! Where are you (now)? On a good day I bet I could throw that pencil to meet yours :)

      • http://www.jessicaannmedia.com/ Jessica

        right now right by Asbury Park :)

  • Donna Merrill

    Hi Carol,
    Thanks for bringing up this honest point! When I “hate” my business, I take the day off. I know I will be no good for you know what, so I back away. We all have meltdowns but don’t have the nerve to say it. You did and Girl I’m proud of you!

    When I get a meltdown, I know that everything on that computer screen will piss me off. I do back down. I unplug and get my butt out of the house. I can do something that distracts my life on the internet.

    I like shopping! So I can spend the day at the mall and just purchase a new bag. I can get a new doo! I even can get in the car and drive an hour away just for a new perspective.
    I call it “opposite action” and for me it works fine.

    Let’s face it, we all have these times where we are overwhelmed and want to throw our computer against the wall. There even have been times where I will take two days off, knowing the back-load of work I do have to face when I return.

    The main thing is we have to take care of ourselves. We need to embrace the emotion and never ignore it.

    Thanks so much for this topic!

    Donna

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Sounds like a good plan, Donna. I know exactly what you mean because when I get in a mood like that, everything bugs me, even normal things that shouldn’t. I like the idea of “opposite action”. It’s important to get away and regroup or you end up doing yourself no favors. It’s probably a good thing that I never had my hair done, though, because I’d probably have it dyed red :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I’m glad I’m not alone!

  • Sharon Gilmour-Glover

    Hi Carol,

    I love this post! This post is my introduction to your work. The title caught my eye in a tweet.

    I love your honesty. Owning a business ensures we’re going to experience the full spectrum of our emotions including the so-called negative ones.

    I really appreciated the connection you made between intense frustration and positive changes. Our emotions are such a great source of information but we’ve been trained to focus on the positive ones only so we miss a lot of it.

    I’m very glad I found your site and I look forward to further reading!

    Cheers,

    Sharon

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Hi Sharon,

      I’m glad to hear this caught your eye and even happier that you enjoyed it!

      I’ve owned this business (with my husband) for 14 years and that’s plenty of time for some ups and downs. They can all be productive and a catalyst for positive change if we let them be.

      I’m glad you stopped by and I hope you’ll continue to enjoy what we post here. Connect with me any time if you have any thoughts!

  • Adrienne

    Oh thank goodness Carol I haven’t gotten to that point yet. Okay, I hated not being able to figure some things out but I don’t hate my business.

    I do have some days that I’d love to just stay in bed but then I remind myself that I’m very blessed to work for myself therefore I can get started later if I want to. I never schedule client meetings in the mornings and that’s one of the reasons why.

    I love your honesty here Carol because most people would go all roses and teddy bears on us but not you. You’re just telling us like it is so I’m just thankful you don’t sugar coat everything all the time.

    Loved your rant today Carol. You go girl…

    ~Adrienne

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Adrienne I think you’re one of those rare people who couldn’t have that bad of a day if you tried :) You’re so positive and you deal with all the obstacles with an even temper – while I run around throwing pencils!

      No sugar coating here, so at least i can say that much! I’m not a fan of early client meetings either. And I do stay in bed longer that I *should* if it’s one of those days and I just need a break. It’s one of the benefits of being your own boss.

      Thanks for your comments today and I’m glad you liked my little rant.

  • http://twitter.com/WFHConcepts Corina Ramos

    This post was filled with uh-huh moments and laughter and you definitely said everything I wouldn’t dare say, not the H word. “You see, I’m having a bit of a hate-hate relationship with my business right now. It wants me to work. Like, a lot.” Oh yeah, you described my sentiment exactly these last few days and my BFF lately has been cookies n cream ice cream because she is the only one who understands right now.

    Do Something You Hate is definitely a new approach and worth giving a try, besides my junk drawer needs some attention :) and you’ve also encouraged me to take a day off and say “F the BS” at least I’ll try, Lord knows I’ll be tempted and sneek a peek at my email or check my stats.

    The way I’ve been dealing with downtime is on the freakin’ treadmill. I hate the treadmill but I know I need it ;) My doctor told me once 30-45 minutes on a treadmill releases all the bad guck and you know he’s right, dammit. But I also have found that my mind is clear and I can think about stuff I would normally be too frustrated to think of during the day and it also inspires content.

    Awesome post Lady!

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      mmm cookies and cream…. I can get behind that!

      Sometimes you really need that day off. Or even a few hours. Take a whole morning to watch bad soap operas and eat ice cream for breakfast. Be a spoiled kid for a little while. Sometimes you really just need a break and NO PEEKING!! Email off! Facebook off!

      It’s funny you mention the treadmill. I also have a love-hate relationship with that. I have one in my guest room and it sits there and mocks me every day. When I get on I hate it but then you’re right, it does help and I always feel better afterward. It’s getting on that’s the hard part because once I’m there I’m happy as a clam.

      I’m glad you enjoyed this, Corina. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts :)

  • http://twitter.com/MelanieKissell Melanie Kissell

    Oh, my. I’m going to have to remove my rose-colored glasses, Carol Lynn. I’ve always pictured you as the quintessential Pollyanna. You’ve now totally shattered that image. But in a good way. LOL!!

    Instead of allowing my frustrations to “sizzle” … I tend to let them “simmer” … and sometimes for several days, if not weeks. Seems to do the trick for me. Not that I wouldn’t relish throwing a pencil across the room. Sounds rather cathartic!! But every time I feel a temper tantrum coming on, I see my mother’s face and then I see her turn and show me her back … just as I have done with my own children. I refused to give them an audience for their tantrum performances. Nope. They had to perform alone.

    Still in all …
    I get what you’re saying and I mostly get it’s REALLY all right to allow yourself to be angry and blow off some steam. And there’s a good possibility your anger may fuel your motivation and you’ll get all kinds of pesky tasks done!

    Very enjoyable read!

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Considering my age I wonder how much of my audience actually knows what a Pollyanna is :) I think I dated myself a bit there.

      I am not good with sizzling and simmering. It goes on for a very long time and I usually get nothing done. All I need is one good scream and then I can take a deep breath and move along. I’m sure a lot of that has to do with personality. My mom was always pretty quiet but my dad was the exploding type. I guess I picked it up from him!

  • SandyMcD

    Carol Lynn this post rocks. Holding up a mirror to each of us I reckon!

    I was just musing with an ex-client who remains a friend, as to why after 30 years I can’t do service business anymore. I should have directed her to your post first! Because hate finally turned into apathy. I no longer had the passion to pick the eyes out of a firefight with a client and turn it into a failsafe checklist, strategy and process.

    And if you can’t use the times when you are as mad as a bagful of cut snakes to improve your business, then it really is time to move on.

    Which I have with gratitude. Although I just ate a cornetto. Is that the same value as an Oreo?

    Thanks Carol Lynn!

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Sandy, you crack me up. Your analogies are awesome. So you proved my point! The apathy is the problem, not the bad days. if you don’t care enough to want to fix anything then that’s worse than throwing a pencil or two. So it’s a good thing you got out faster than a… hm… jackrabbit out of a foxhole? I don’t know, I need some practice at those :)

      I don’t know what a cornetto is but I’m sure it’s fabulous and as long as its on the “guilty pleasures” list then it flies with me!

  • http://suejprice.com Sue Price

    Hi Carol

    Great post I love it. Yes there are days when I hate my business. There are times I look at my brother who has been a teacher all his life and I wish I had too then I would get holidays and… dream on. The reality is I would hate that.

    I think your advice is great and I love Donna’s shopping for a new bag sounds good. I tend to force myself to keep on keeping on. I do often do the job I have been putting off instead of anything creative that needs good energy.

    I think we all have these days. Thanks for sharing this.

    Sue

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      I know, I think I’m going to start shopping for new bags too! Sounds like a lot more fun. Yep, we all have “those days” but as long a we’re still doing what we want to be doing (and quitting to become a teacher isn’t as attractive as it might seem) then we’ll get through it. You sound like me – keep going but do those annoying tasks you’ve been putting off, then save the good creative stuff for later! Thanks for stopping by Sue!

  • http://twitter.com/BarbaraCharles Barbara Charles

    Nice Carol Lynn. I just had a week of downtime because of just this feeling. Maybe not hating the business, but hating all of the process..blogging etc. You hit the nail on the head. What I did however, was do something different. I took a mental break of the blogging and just settled for doing keyword research which got me out of the ‘hate writing my blog’ mode and made me focus on something else. After a week I was ready to get back to work. I think we have to allow ourselves that time to step away without guilt or remorse, at least that’s how it is for me. Toward the end of the week, I started feeling an urgency to get my thoughts down on paper again and I was ready…I had for one week allowed myself to hate the business, then get up and start again. It was a bit therapuetic! Your article lets me know I’m not the only one! :) and that I handled it the right way. Thanks so much for the validation.
    Regards,
    Barbara

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      So glad we’re all in this together, Barbara :) Stepping away is a great idea. You really have to give yourself time to breathe without pressuring yourself to keep going. Sounds like you did exactly what you needed and then had the energy to get going again!

  • http://www.mayura4ever.com/ Mayura De Silva

    Hi Carol,

    Oh my motivation and positive attitude. You just killed it :D lol…

    Hmm… May be it’s true that we hate business sometimes for not getting better results as we expect. Is it the business or result we hate?

    I feel like you have been through that feeling when you writing it as much more true compliments coming out there ;) I don’t think you have listed down the all points in advance.

    Well, I don’t think looking at bright side is about not being observant dear. Is it? It’s about utilizing opportunities and strengths, no? Unless we observe how could we be have a better decision to change stuff to make things better?

    I feel it’s more about adopting the terror to feel like boring or hate what we do.

    Sometimes we feel we are perfect enough and giving everything away but not getting what we really expecting out of it. Aren’t we some impatient bubbles?

    I’d take a nap or watch a movie Carol ;) Mmm… Delicious sweets can brighten the mood for me. Ah… I can win some more levels of the car racing game I have in my smartphone too and back with the joy of victory.

    Cheers…

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Hi Mayura,

      You’re right, sometimes it’s just the results and the obstacles that we hate! That was mostly my point. I think everyone has bad days and tough periods but it’s important to remember why you’re here. Why are we doing this? Why do we really love it, even when things go wrong? Then we can get some perspective.

      It’s good to look on the bright side of course. But sometimes you have to give yourself a little room to breathe. We tend to feel guilty if we are angry or have negative emotions, but there is nothing wrong with that – sometimes those emotions can be very helpful and push through good change.

      I watch lots of movies! Sometimes you have to do something fun and get away for a little while. Enjoy your car game and I hope you have a great day!

  • http://growwithstacy.com/ Stacy

    Hi Carol,

    Let it all out, girl! Sometimes we have to get to that point to be able to re-evaluate what we really want. I wrote a similar post a couple of months ago and it was helpful. It was also good to read everyone’s comments and encouragement. Hang in there! Sometimes discouragement comes right before a big change or growth!

    Stacy

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      No doubt, Stacy – the love is hiding in there somewhere :)

  • Chery Schmidt

    Hey Carol, Internet problems, technical problems, people problems FB problems ect ect…. Yep, when this happens I head to spend time with my grandson’s. I just take the day and do nothing but play with them. OH Yeh This is My Why! SO I then now why I do what I do makes me once again Love what I do! Great post Chery :)

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Hi Chery, sounds like you know exactly how to deal with a down time and WHY you’re doing it, too. Good for you :)

  • http://www.thenumberswhisperer.com/ Nicole Fende

    First Carol Lynn Rivera if I ever get to visit your office I’m bringing protective gear. Flying pencils, books,… perhaps a goldfish? The idea of limitless brownies and oreos IS enough to tempt me :)

    When I first say the title I thought “what trickery is this?” But you convinced me, and this one line really hit home ->It’s when you stop caring that you know you’re in trouble.

    Who can make us the angriest? The people we love the most in our lives; spouses, kids, parents, siblings, BFF’s and… our business.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      There hasn’t been a lack of brownies in my house for weeks… there are few things I will leave my house for in the dead of winter, but brownie sustenance is one of them, even if I have to go out in my pajamas. You hit the nail on the head. We love ‘em, they drive us batshit, we still love ‘em :) I promise not to throw any goldfish!

  • http://virtuallydistinguished.com Michelle Church

    OMG…..I so love this. Stop watering it down really resonates with me as i believe I have consistently watered it down trying to remain strong that everything is ok, when it really isn’t. I don’t deal with down time well and participating in this months Carnival (writing the stupid blog post – when I did not feel like it) taught me that I was having down time and had to overcome it. It helped me to realize how I overcame and re-motivated myself in the past but had forgotten to follow my own best practices. I think it’s key to stop, breath, and acknowledge something is not right and then address it….I think you are right have a tantrum!

    I am in the midst of loving my business again and trying to determine what’s really needed to change and taking each step to rejuvenating myself and it again. This time I am seeking others to help me…opening up and stop being shy about it! Thanks for the inspiration!

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Thank you, Michelle, I’m glad you found a note that rings true! Isn’t it amazing how we’re our own worst bosses? We push ourselves to keep going, push through it, be strong… what if someone were working for us? What would we say? If they were going through a hard time we’d say “Take a day off… take care of yourself…” So we should be at least as gracious to ourselves.

      And hey, a little temper tantrum never hurt anyone (except that one time, when I left a hole in the bedroom wall…)

      I’m glad you’re in a loving-it phase. Enjoy it and just know that you can get through any downs that come along. And next time, give yourself permission to breathe.

  • http://twitter.com/SylvianeNuccio Sylviane Nuccio

    Hi Carol,

    This blogs like only this computer, so I can comment sometimes when I want to. But here it is…

    You are right, it feels good once in a while to hate your business and start watching TV. I do that too :) Sometimes I am tired of writing and just want to take a break watching some old French shows on YouTube, or I can’t read another blog for at least 24 hours.

    So, as I read your post, I can concur with what you’re saying.

    We are all humans and bad stinky mood happens, the only thing that would be bad is stay too long in it, but yes, I can stay a whole week end without speaking to a single human being with my cat only. The only thing is I enjoy it.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      That’s the best way to get away from it all…. hang out on the couch with your cat and the remote control :) Cats don’t talk back, don’t question everything you do and as long as you feed them once in a while they’re happy no matter what.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=760384447 Laura Petrolino

    I wish I had something insightful and charming to say…but really this post is just simply awesome! Been there, done that, have the t-shirt

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      lol, love that – I might want a t-shirt too! Then on my bad days I could burn it :)

  • http://twitter.com/rzive Ruth Zive

    I was always told that the opposite of hate isn’t love. It’s indifference. Hate and love are at opposite ends of the ‘passion spectrum’, but they are not opposites. So to my mind, it’s not actually a bad thing if you ‘hate’ your business – those feelings can inspire change and can move you to make it better and grow. Loved the post!

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Thanks Ruth, and my point exactly! Far from being negative, we can use whatever we feel to inspire change and help us grow!

  • william james

    After reading this post!!! i am big fun of you. you impress me lots.

    In my opinion business is all about passion.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Thanks for the compliment :) I agree!

  • Joy Healey

    Today was JUST the day to read this post. Everything went wrong – and yesterday too. In fact last night I really did hit the brownies (well, last of the Christmas cake to be honest). No doubt I’ll be on better form “soon” – but in the meantime it’s good to know I’m not the only one! Thanks.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      Wow, I admire you for having Christmas cake left! That was gone from my house by the morning of the 26th :)

      I KNOW you’ll be back “soon” but in the meantime, you have permission to be cranky and mad. If you need to go into your cave and come out again feeling rejuvenated, go for it. And if you can use this time to make some positive change for later, good for you!

      You are definitely not the only one. Pass the cake.

  • evan austin

    Carol Lynn, you KNOW I love this post, and am STILL stoked that I got to do the banner illustration for it! My deep apologies for taking so long to comment.

    What spoke to me was “don’t water it down” and “do something you hate”. In other lives I learned to be VERY careful with my words, and while I still believe that there is enormous power in words – for good or ill, of course – and that being careful with them is still wise in most situations, I find I’m excited at the prospect of being more real and even more blunt, even if only with myself.

    • http://twitter.com/CarolLynnRivera Carol Lynn Rivera

      I think there is a time and place for “diplomacy”, shall we say – but that doesn’t need to take the place of honesty. And with yourself you have to be as dead-mean real as you can be! Whenever something hints of going wrong, any number of people will jump to your rescue and tell you how things will be better and give you the “positive side” and that’s nice and all, but sometimes don’t you just want someone to say “Dude, that sucks.” Because sometimes it does :) And if we’re “talking to ourselves” we’re just playing mind games instead of acknowledging how we feel, dealing with it and taking action.

      As for the drawing. LOVE! My favorite is the flying Oreos :)